Dealing with Anger

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20091203/sc_livescience/studyrevealstheangriestamericans

Check out this link regarding the sources of anger study done in Toronto. Note that interpersonal relationship problems at work is among the top three sources. In addition, those with less education, those with children and of course those with time constraints and economic pressure are feeling the pain.

For years business has referred to communication skills as "soft skills" training. "Soft" as opposed to "hard" or skills that business people have believe are directly attributable to performance. I am already starting to laugh at the notion. Let's give everyone finance skills which they promptly forget or maybe we should laden spreadsheets and research upon them showing how to cut costs and re-engineer... And yet, survey after survey will reveal that communication continues to be the number one thorn in the side of companies and directly or indirectly the source of low performance.

Follow this train of thought. The leaders meet for days and forge their strategy. They then take about 15 minutes to communicate it to the masses if that. Other times they rely on a trickle down that is also cut to a fraction of time. Is it any wonder that folks down the chain do not grab on to that strategy and give it a big hug.

The next step then is to design work and manage it closely to make sure these people who arent' as engaged, do what needs to be done. This authoritarian style is mocked when backs are turned, and gets some results, but falls woefully short of what they could get. The worst by product is a lack of trust which permeates the culture and slows the communication and performance to a crawl of what it could be.

The Corporate Leadership Council produced research that names "Honest and accurate informal feedback" as the number one driver of high performance. There is no way you can accomplish this driver without a sense of trust amongst the people of your organization.

What do you think of communication in the workplace? Is it important?

What are the biggest flaws you see in your organization from a communication standpoint and what is the effect?

Open Door Policy...That's Funny.

I am a manager and one of my favorite sports is poking fun at managers...does that make me bad? Here's a fun one; years ago I was working with a senior executive in the paper industry. He had a reputation for riding people hard and putting them away wet if you know what I mean. I met with him to provide some much needed feedback.

My end in mind was really to help him and hopefully help the many who suffered under him. I asked him, "Who holds up your mirror?" I went on to explain that at his high level, did he get open and honest feedback from anyone? He replied sternly, "I have an open door policy!" I had to explain that a mousetrap is akin to an open door policy but after getting snapped at, if they are lucky enough to escape, they won't likely return. He looked confused and was pretty sure I was calling him a rat.

I'm not sure that guy ever was going to get it but here's the point; as a boss, even a really nice boss; people are hesitant to be critical. Why? With a mean boss, the reason is urban legend and repurcussions. With the nice boss it is the desire to keep it that way and so people rationalize their silence. So what does this mean for any of us?

There are lots of situations where we become the boss. In a marriage at times, with friends, kids, in community situations like church, groups etc. Who really holds up our mirror? And how do we get others to be mirror holders?

We have to make getting feedback a good thing. It won't feel natural at first and we will have to become keenly aware of interventions from ego, pride and other evil elements within. Subdue those buggers and try it for a week. Explain to a number of people you generally trust and admire that you would like them to be a mirror holder for you. You may even elect to have them watch for specific things you are wanting to know. And even with all that, you will have repeatedly ask for the feedback.

As a starter, you may want to select a situation, like a party, a group meeting or something with a defined time line to have others observe and report. When they give you feedback, make a hero out of them no matter what they say. Listen, listen, listen, then probe for clarity only. No explanations, no judgment. You can reserve the right to disagree if you want so the risk is really minimal. Take time to digest their words. And without ego, pride etc. see if there aren't some gold nuggets in there.

If you are really brave, solicit feedback from a critic. They might not be as nice but they'll open the fire hose given half a chance. The key here is to thank them. That will confuse the hell out of them. Then digest all the comments looking for things that might actually have merit. Who'd have thought you could mine gold from a manure pile? Think of it as fertilizer and there must be something in there to help you grow.

Feedback is one of the most talked about topics but one of the least practiced skills. Start slow and build. Let me know how it goes. You don't have to be the boss to get feedback.