Open Door Policy...That's Funny.

I am a manager and one of my favorite sports is poking fun at managers...does that make me bad? Here's a fun one; years ago I was working with a senior executive in the paper industry. He had a reputation for riding people hard and putting them away wet if you know what I mean. I met with him to provide some much needed feedback.

My end in mind was really to help him and hopefully help the many who suffered under him. I asked him, "Who holds up your mirror?" I went on to explain that at his high level, did he get open and honest feedback from anyone? He replied sternly, "I have an open door policy!" I had to explain that a mousetrap is akin to an open door policy but after getting snapped at, if they are lucky enough to escape, they won't likely return. He looked confused and was pretty sure I was calling him a rat.

I'm not sure that guy ever was going to get it but here's the point; as a boss, even a really nice boss; people are hesitant to be critical. Why? With a mean boss, the reason is urban legend and repurcussions. With the nice boss it is the desire to keep it that way and so people rationalize their silence. So what does this mean for any of us?

There are lots of situations where we become the boss. In a marriage at times, with friends, kids, in community situations like church, groups etc. Who really holds up our mirror? And how do we get others to be mirror holders?

We have to make getting feedback a good thing. It won't feel natural at first and we will have to become keenly aware of interventions from ego, pride and other evil elements within. Subdue those buggers and try it for a week. Explain to a number of people you generally trust and admire that you would like them to be a mirror holder for you. You may even elect to have them watch for specific things you are wanting to know. And even with all that, you will have repeatedly ask for the feedback.

As a starter, you may want to select a situation, like a party, a group meeting or something with a defined time line to have others observe and report. When they give you feedback, make a hero out of them no matter what they say. Listen, listen, listen, then probe for clarity only. No explanations, no judgment. You can reserve the right to disagree if you want so the risk is really minimal. Take time to digest their words. And without ego, pride etc. see if there aren't some gold nuggets in there.

If you are really brave, solicit feedback from a critic. They might not be as nice but they'll open the fire hose given half a chance. The key here is to thank them. That will confuse the hell out of them. Then digest all the comments looking for things that might actually have merit. Who'd have thought you could mine gold from a manure pile? Think of it as fertilizer and there must be something in there to help you grow.

Feedback is one of the most talked about topics but one of the least practiced skills. Start slow and build. Let me know how it goes. You don't have to be the boss to get feedback.