Teenage Kids...Heeeeeeeeelp!!!!!!

A favorite topic of many, what do you do with that teenage kid. They've got hormones just jumping like a frat pledge with a hot foot. They are constantly working it to assert an image they've seen in their latest favorite movie. And they've seen lots of movies lately. Their relationships are hot and cold and hot again. In some cases they are highly motivated but in areas that leave us worried. Other times they won't budge, burdened with proud apathy, unwilling to jump into the meat grinder of competition for work, high grades, etc. They are our teens and we love em just the same; and yet they drive us to drink at times.

They might say the same about us....driving them to drink that is. Of course it wouldn't really require a driver at that age, it's more like a short putt. The temptation to do stupid things is a constant. We should know. We all have heard the saying, "Good judgment comes from experience....experience comes from bad judgment." In other words, we'd love to protect them from their mistakes, but the mistakes are essential to their growth.

When I was a kid, as many in the 40 something to 50 something range might say, my parents didn't make it to every little league game. In fact, I'd ride my bike to the rec center and play because I couldn't wait to play. And the same applied to most of our activities. Our parents role was to get us there, not watch and critique every moment. I made a million mistakes along the way, most of which I had to deal with. But with each one we learn a little something.

It is harder in my opinion for today's youth. They have been micromanaged in many cases since they were in diapers. They didn't beg their way into ice hockey at age 4??? Seriously. And as they learn the games and garner endless attention from Mom and or Dad, they trod forward under the disguise that this was their choice.

So when they hit their middle to late teens, whatever they've become is a product of what we've done. Sure their are other influences and we can't take responsibility for every choice they made but on the other hand, we didn't exactly set them up for lots of experience choosing either.

One thing I will never do is proclaim that I have parenting figured out nor do I have the key to unlock motivation for a teenage boy or girl. I am challenged daily by the same things everyone else is. From wishing my son were more motivated to get good grades to others in sports, I examine my choices and celebrate success and mourn failures.

One thing I have learned is that when I really try to listen with empathy to a young adult, I get further than I would if I didn't. I and others are so prone to sharing our autobiography with them that we lose them. I find myself stopping when I hear him or her say, "You don't understand." I then reflect back and say "Here is what I understand, I heard you say you...., and that you feel.... and that their is a lot of pressure because.... and that you are not motivated as a result of .... " And then I stop. I look at him. And it is his turn. I might even throw in, "Did I get it right?" Notice that none of this was judging, none of it was prescribing, and none of it was about me.

Sometimes it takes a while to get this down. I so want to share my experiences with my teens. And I try to over and over again with little if any success. It is only when I listen that they feel understood at all and it is from there, that listening actually begins.

Try it the next time you are dealing with a troubled teen. No guarantee that you will solve all the issues, but your relationship will improve and you will improve your connection.

Let me know if you have any teen communication challenges, stories or successes you'd like to share. There has to be a million of them. And you young adults, let's hear it from your end. What do you respect most out of conversations with other adults, friends, etc?

No Smiles at the Gym

Depressing! Yeah, downright depressing. I went to the Company fitness center today and seriously, I thought I took a wrong turn at the Gulag. The up side was that many people were there exercising after a hard day of work. But something was missing.

When I used to frequent a variety of work out facilities back in the day, the places were shakin with a friendly, happy vibe. We were workin it and this was a good thing. Whether it was someone you knew walking by to give you a nod, or someone else just glowing with motivation; you could just feel the energy.

But somewhere along the way, folks must have bought into the fact that working out still has "work" in it and therefore we don't dare become a catalyst of joy. That would be too unprofessional if not downright soft. We must put on our best "race face" and get down to business. Well, I am going to have to be the one who says, "screw that!"

Look, life is too short and we already spend a boatload of waking hours toiling for our pay. (I think that should be fun too by the way.) Exercise, in order for it to really become a habit, should be fun. And for it to be fun, you need to choose it to become fun.

From a communicative historical point of view here is what happened to bring us to the non-fun. We must understand this to move forward. First, there are people who strike up conversations with anyone at the gym. That's o.k. except that people want to get their workout in at a certain pace and rule number one is NOT to disrupt their workout. Catch people for quick conversation between sets or just a motivational comment, but never take more than their recovery period. If they are spotting someone else, they are officially busy so stick to the motivational comment of goodwill.

Second, the walkman was invented to nullify the annoying ones. People started plugging into their music and eliminating the possibility of having to talk to anyone. Great for eliminating the annoying ones, but too bad that it also eliminates all socializing at all. These were first very popular with pretty girls who got tired of being hit on by dorks. Hey, who could blame them.

So here's the thing, people go to the gym to get a workout. They have convinced themselves that they don't want to talk to anyone but that's b.s. for many. There are so many lonely people and the gym is a great place to casually meet some people with the same interest in health that you have. Aside from being respectful of people's privacy, I challenge you to get out there and at least be happy. Don't be afraid to say "hi" or "I didn't know treadmills did 20mph, dang", or something that makes the place a fun place to be even if just for that moment. People will smile in the future just when they see you coming. Isn't that great. Give it a try.

I think workouts are a great thing. But I just can't take another sullen day of pumping iron like I did today. I just can't do it. I'm going in tomorrow and I just might run down the bank of treadmills and high five the whole lot of them. I'll bet you a crispy new dollar bill that I'll get a smile out of at least 50% of those sweaty bastards. It should be a real hoot. Come on, join me, lets revolutionize this work out deal.

I'll see you at the gym.